Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
