I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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