dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
