Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
