i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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