Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
