You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
