My room smells like vodka and shame
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
