please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
