Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
