I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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