im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
