If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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