also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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