so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
