hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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