Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
