I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
