I'm going to rape someone's good day.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
