Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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