i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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