U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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