I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
After last night, I could never be a politician.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
