Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
not ubering you a puppy
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
