Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize