That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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