i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
