She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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