Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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