Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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