You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize