Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
