it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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