just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
