Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
