Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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