Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
