I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
