So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
