I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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