im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
