what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
