you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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