??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
