just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize