Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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