There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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