If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
