WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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