we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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