Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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