Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
