remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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