I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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