dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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