he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
