You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
