The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
