Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
