I wish my penis had an off switch
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick