i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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