it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week