Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
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We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So vagazzling was a success