If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event