Texts From Last Night

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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I smell stomach acid.

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  (304): I smell stomach acid. http://tfl.nu/n8wy
  Replies (13) Good night (810) Bad night (2889)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.

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  (251): i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night. http://tfl.nu/skue
  Replies (20) Good night (559) Bad night (3752)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom

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  (806): apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom http://tfl.nu/lh1h
  Replies (11) Good night (1331) Bad night (3423)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break

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  (941): still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break http://tfl.nu/6afp
  Replies (9) Good night (4460) Bad night (684)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....

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  (973): She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it. (201): Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella.... http://tfl.nu/9xtz
  Replies (18) Good night (5911) Bad night (2076)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.

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  (717): Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life. http://tfl.nu/od19
  Replies (12) Good night (2191) Bad night (2864)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning

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  (843): i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning http://tfl.nu/dohz
  Replies (15) Good night (3837) Bad night (787)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now

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  (+44): I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now http://tfl.nu/a890
  Replies (3) Good night (1261) Bad night (565)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am

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  (724): I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed. (412): I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am http://tfl.nu/5n3j
  Replies (9) Good night (2923) Bad night (786)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky

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  (617): Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky http://tfl.nu/3bkx
  Replies (5) Good night (782) Bad night (1383)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.

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  (610): I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands. (908): Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful. http://tfl.nu/kbfw
  Replies (6) Good night (1080) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.

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  (563): Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up. http://tfl.nu/xba5
  Replies (0) Good night (379) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.

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  (850): Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours. http://tfl.nu/ipen
  Replies (9) Good night (2570) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me

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  (970): Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me http://tfl.nu/8oqe
  Replies (3) Good night (1508) Bad night (320)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.

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  (503): Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick. http://tfl.nu/mpmj
  Replies (9) Good night (665) Bad night (353)

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