I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
