It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
