Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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