i think my tv is drunk
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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