Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
