Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
