you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
