I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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