I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
