Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
