Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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