just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
