I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
