Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
